Day 10 The Aquarium and Pole Dancing

Today I showered and got dressed and hung out with my 13 year old. We wanted to cut her hair but we didn't end up doing that. She is really into exploring her individuality and I wish she could just a little bit more. She's a really great kid. The hair man, it's all in the hair... be grateful she doesn't want ten facial piercings and does her homework. But I digress...

Jellyfishes at the aquarium courtesy of my cousin.

My cousin messaged me today, I suspect to check on my progress which is pretty awesome. I have a ton of support. There really is nothing else in this world like having people around you who want you to succeed. Anywho, she said she was going to the aquarium. I have never been to one but I want to really bad. And then a deal was struck: she would send me pics of the aquarium provided that I send her pics of... drum roll please, you guessed it... The Outside.

The moon shining through the limbs of a
tree in my front yard.

And for this beautiful picture I ventured outside, after dark. I turned off the porch lights so I could see the night better. The stars aren't as bright out here as they are in the desert but that's OK. Those chirpy sounds were out again tonight and my girlfriend says they are birds while my boyfriend says frogs... but its too cold to be frogs. My vote goes to the frogs, there's a pond over where the sound is coming from and in the summer... the unmistakable sound of frogs... hmm. The moon was out and the cat that never did learn to use a litter box. She lives outside now, the cat not the moon who has always lived outside.








There is a beautiful pole dancing feminist video circulating through the interweb and social media. At first I didn't watch it because I figured meh sounds like something I already know but then I ran into this comment under it that had me compelled to watch the video.

The comment: "This is beautiful.. but i feel compelled to point out.. they all pretty much had the same basic body type.. where are the big girls?? where are the scarred girls.. the ones with huge stretch marks?? this is an amazing video but i feel it is lacking because not all of us women have that body type so how can it empower those who dont match?? granted i know that expressing this opinion will earn me a solid bashing for the most part.. but this bothers me"

The video: Why I Dance

Now let me explain why the comment bothered me... First of all body type wasn't the point of the short film and I don't think it should be criticized for something it wasn't even trying to say. It's like saying that a video about puppies should have had more kittens in it. Secondly and I really should credit the wording of this point to my cousin who didn't really know I would be using her opinion: I like to focus on what art, any kind of art, is accomplishing, rather than bemoaning that it isn't doing enough.

And the best quote in the entire video: "Because the expression of my sexuality does not negate my: integrity, intelligence, or autonomy"

I'm against slut shaming and I've run into a lot of it, first as a bisexual and now as a polyamorous woman. Does expressing that you are a sexual being have to correlate to being a slut. Does it matter how many people I have slept with? Does it matter how many people I didn't sleep with? No... it doesn't matter because being sexual does not directly correlate to being labeled a slut. It just doesn't. I am a woman, with a body, and I use my body to express myself in ways that feel right for me.

Day 9 Today I Suck

After waking up this morning fairly early (too early) I went to the bathroom and got back in bed. At 2:30 I got up and got dressed but I really should have showered. Then I sat down on the couch and stayed on my computer for the rest of the day.

The up-side, I did drink water. I did get dressed. I didn't watch TV (although being on the computer all day is not better than zoning out on TV) I hate that I don't live my life. I sit around soaking in the remnants of people who are living life. I could make more than half the content I take in but instead I watch and vegetate. At least I have been writing as consistently as I want to. I don't think I've missed more than a day even though I haven't posted everything I've written.

I don't feel like a failure but weirdly enough I "want to"... my brain keeps going to that depressing place but there's something else that is sort of reminding me to keep trying. Reminding me that the failure of today doesn't have to stick. It doesn't have to be what tomorrow hold for me. At least I'm still working on it. At least I'm still making progress.

As for the photo from going outside today... it's dark out. Maybe I will go outside tonight still and maybe I won't. I am forgiving myself for today now and I will do better tomorrow.

Day 8

Yesterday my girlfriend and I made pads, like menstrual pads. Yup. I know what you're thinking... "but Afton, aren't you pregnant." LOL jk... but we really did make pads. My girlfriend gets rashes from store bought pads and she hates tampons. A few years back one of my cousins (she's kind of a hippie environmentalist and I so admire her for that) told me that she used homemade pads and I passed the idea onto my girlfriend because they are basically cotton. Sounds comfy, right?

Or gross, which is what I know you all are really thinking. My girlfriend tried them all night last night and all day today and she really likes them. According to her they are absorbent and cute and comfortable... they get the job done. They don't stay in place that well and we didn't make enough of them. They wash well and they absorb the blood in a way that keeps them from leaking or running. And they are not gross, well, no more gross than changing a normal pad or tampon.

I also want you all to know I made it outside today! 

The snow we got last night had melted off throughout the day and the sun was almost down. There was a sound I didn't recognize. I couldn't tell if it was birds or bullfrogs but it seemed too cold still to be bullfrogs and too chirpy. I'm assuming that it was birds, pretty all the same.

I took an environmental studies class in high school that I LOVED. We went camping and whale watching and had desert survival training, and studied native + non-native species of plants... The class was AWESOME. But when I moved out here to the forest, all the knowledge I attained in that class and throughout my life about the wilderness around me is completely useless. LOL

Fortunately I have spouses that are from this area who can educate me on things like what to do when you are lost in the forest and what kinds of animals live around here.

Coming Out as Polyamorous to Our Parents

The polyamorous flag, which has hiding in it's meaning.

I've been wanting to write this post for some time now... OK admittedly 2 or 3 days, but I really want to shed some light on what it's like when you come out as poly. It's a lot like coming out as bisexual to be honest. When you come out as gay, or straight (if you have one of those cool families who doesn't assume you are straight until proven otherwise... like we are with our kids), or lesbian then people know what to expect. Come out as bisexual and everyone assumes you are going one way or the other depending on who you are dating at the time.

Coming out was different for each of us.


My mom's reaction: "I Googled polyamorous. I think it may be actually more Natural to Allow ourselves to Love more than One, My Life would be way less complicated if I could Allow that and everybody agreed." I came out to her on messenger, so I was able to provide you with a direct quote. My family is very accepting of different lifestyles... what they are not so great at is staying connected. That is true for my dad's side of the family and my mom's. It ends up being a habit that cycles through the generations. Which reminds me, I need to focus more on breaking that habit. I certainly have time now.
My dad's reaction: I always knew you were a hippy. LOL I kid you not, he said that. He also acknowledges my relationship by asking about my whole family and how things are going. I have a pretty great dad.


Husband's mom's reaction: Um OK. I mean, if that's what you want. I think you guys are crazy. But she loves us anyway and has accepted everyone pretty well. She seems mostly comfortable with the situation and has tried really hard to include everyone. Her last visit went really well. She has a new boyfriend who she met online and even he seems to be doing well adjusting to us.
Husband's dad's reaction: Live and let live. He actually lives on the property so he sees us the most and knows how well we work together as a family... he also has the unfortunate side effect of living too close and occasionally hearing what happens behind our closed door, so he definitely realizes that it is a complete relationship. Plus he babysits on date night when the four of us take time to go somewhere together (usually Walmart and running errands, but together time matters however it comes).


Girlfriend's mom's reaction: Do you know what your bother told your dad? and then the subject stayed changed and she even once referred to my husband and I as cousins that she and my boyfriend are living with down here. Yup, cousins.
Girlfriend's dad's reaction: She hasn't officially come out to him, but she talks about us to him all the time and I really think he believes the "cousins" story.


Boyfriend's mom's reaction: You've always been weird and your playing with fire. For the most part she is actually worried about the kids and what will happen if we split up. I don't know her very well but she loves and misses my boyfriend a lot and I think she seems really sweet. He has talked to her about the new baby which make me super happy.
Boyfriend's dad passed away when he was four.


Honestly the most difficult thing about coming out has been getting our parents to realize that if we could we would legally get married and adopt each other's biological children. The way I see it I have adopted four children. They are mine and I want my parents to think of them as their grandchildren. I guess I understand why they don't completely yet, but I hope one day there is no separation between our children in the minds of any of my parents.

While I was visiting Colorado this year for a family wedding (I went without my spouses because we just couldn't afford more tickets) I got really close to my grandma. The best part was that she made it very clear to me that she understood and supported my life. She even seemed proud of me. I'd love to be able to introduce everyone to her, including all her new great-grand-babies. Actually, she hasn't met any of my children in person, so I doubt it will be difficult for her to accept them. However, with how many of them there are and the age range... she might get a little overwhelmed with their wildness.

So, here it is for everyone now... I am polyamorous and bisexual. The style of polyamory I engage in is called polyfidelity. I'm thrilled to be out and I'm totally happy I found this for myself. It was a long road to here.


Polyfidelity (also sometimes called polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group.

Polyamorous The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. 

Week 1!!!

   I made it a whole week! Actually I'm not that excited. I could literally list the "new life" phases I've made it through for a week.

Diet: no carbs, counting calories, burn more calories than you take in, eat specific foods to trick your metabolism, eat so few calories that I'm almost starving.... hmm I think that's all of them.

Exercise plan: walk every day, do yoga every day (I love yoga. I should write a fat girl yoga post), stretch every day, do 50 sit-ups before bed...

The list goes on. Fact of the matter is I ALWAYS make it the first week. And then the second week comes and I start thinking "I'm happy, I don't need to keep going." But there's something different about this. There's something better about this.

So celebrate with me when I make it to week 2 and week 3 and OMG month 1! which I intend to make it to.

Day 7 Which was yesterday, yes I skipped writing... I really didn't think anyone would notice ;)

My Boyfriend <3

                                                                                                                                       We touched up our hair. Mine and my girlfriend's color were still not as full as we wanted. After all was done, it took 3 boxes each to do our hair.

My Girlfriend <3
If she ain't happy, nobodies is happy.

Then I bleached and dyed my boyfriend's hair orange. His job is less constrictive than my husband's who will be keeping his hair normal brown.

Later in the afternoon there was a doctor's appointment for the terrible burn my girlfriend got on her stomach while frying chicken.

I never went outside and I probably slept too long. I'm trying not to harp on my failures because it is really counterproductive. I wake up in the morning and I start over. I've stayed really clean which feels good because showering is something I have struggled with for my entire life. I'm sure I lost potential friends because of it. Being the smelly kid sucks... feeling like nobody in my family cares if I shower or not sucks worse. But that was yesteryear.

Dwelling on the failures of yesterday can keep you in the cycle of failure. It's just a really bad idea. For instance: I slept in till 3pm today. Why? because I have a bladder infection... but sleeping that long is really bad for my personal mental health. I know this as fact. BUT tomorrow when I wake up I'm not gonna say "I already failed at getting up so no point in trying today."

Going outside is becoming the most difficult of my goals. I thought TV would have been harder but for whatever reason it's the whole stepping out the door thing. My hope is that I don't because it's too cold... excuses being something I don't want to find as obstacles, I really need to solve this problem. I have been consistently getting dressed every day but not going outside.

IDEA: (let me know what you think about this)
I will take a picture of outside every day for the next week and post it for you all to see. Accountability might very well be the key! I shall begin tomorrow.

Day 6 Boredom and The Routine

What happened to Day 5? I just didn't write about it. I did stick to my goals though.

So, I'm not watching TV or scrolling Facebook or searching YouTube... what am I dong? Being bored!

 Today I planted seedlings indoors with my girlfriend, made play dough for the kids to play with, and mostly sat around trying to think of something to do. Being on the computer temps me to waste time on my normal time-killer sites... which means I haven't been writing much. I did make a list of things to do but then I didn't do any of them LOL...

I guess you could say I am re-learning how to entertain myself throughout the day. Staying away from mindless watching isn't all that hard but I'm still sort of just sitting on the couch watching my spouses play around on their electronics. My girlfriend is super supportive, she closes her computer a lot and joins in on my wacky ideas pretty quickly. Sometimes I wish I was as supportive to her in the same way, but alas I am stubborn. 

Day 6 has gone really well. Because I have it set in my mind that I am changing my core habits it has come really easily. Maybe I was just ready, maybe I am just in a really good place and have a lot of support. Maybe I am just that tired of watching my life fly by in the pretend lives of other people. I don't really know but I feel really good about all the changes today.

Now if I can just figure out how to stay entertained without electronics. Oh, that reminds me... I find myself avoiding the computer altogether. It carries the stigma of being electronic entertainment and I don't feel ready to entirely incorporate the uses of it into my routine.

MY ROUTINE!

- Get up in the morning. Right now there's no pressure to get up at one particular time. What I am working towards is not spending the whole day in bed. At some point I check my Facebook and make sure I don't have any blog comments. That usually happens right after I stretch and before I go to the bathroom. It only takes me a couple minutes.

- Pee... because I'm pregnant and nothing else comes first lol. Since I am in the bathroom already I use this time to decide if I need a shower or if I'm still clean.

- Check on the kids for a minute. Make sure they are being good and don't need anything. Check on my spouses and make sure they are having an OK morning.

 - Pick out clothes and either take a shower or get dressed. If I didn't take a shower I at least brush my teeth and either way I fix my hair. 

- Make plans to go outside. When I do get there I make myself a cup of hot tea to take with me.

- Drink about two glasses of water a day which I think is good. I feel better hydration wise. I don't have a set time when water happens. I just drink it when I think of it.

- Pick something to clean. This can be large or small as long as it is something I can complete at once. I.E. the shelf in the kitchen, dust the livingroom, do a load of laundry, wipe down the bathroom vanity. Another option would be to clean for 15 minutes straight. You would be stunned what you are capable of cleaning in a short amount of time.

- The goal of watch less TV has no distinct plan. I allow myself to watch one or two shows a day and I like for those shows to be something I watch with someone I love. 

- Be less lazy... see above. There's the official plan right there. Doing more = being less lazy. 

Day 4 In-laws, Ice, and homelessness

I never did get around to writing about day 4 on the right day. I succeeded mostly... slept in late and hung out in my pajamas but I got the bathroom vanity cleaned and folded some laundry. When I did get dressed it was to go outside which was really nice. There isn't much wind in Tennessee in the winter (not compared to California anyway) and without windchill the cold isn't so bad for a short period of time.

Photo from ABC News website of where my mother-in-law lives.

We are having some severe ice problems right now in Tennessee and my husbands mom has no power, so she and her boyfriend came over last night. His birthday was a few days ago so we made him a cake and they spent the night. At least they were safe, some others haven't been so fortunate. The winter related death toll in Tennessee. These stories make me grateful we convinced them to come over because they resisted. It is supposed to get even colder tonight and there are so many people without power right now. There are shelters open and the police will take you to a shelter if you don't have power and need to get someplace warm.

Our family is safe and warm, our power is on and school is out until further notice... actually they might have school tomorrow but I doubt it. 

I did come up with a routine for my goals but given the nature of this post, I'm just gonna put that on the day 5 post which I will be writing later today. 

Stay safe and stay warm and be kind to each other. I had a chance to Skype with my mom yesterday and she told me about her day. She and her girlfriend made 40 sack lunches complete with sandwich, apple, and juice and took them down where the homeless people hang out (under a bridge to shelter themselves from the blizzard). My mom said they ran out. She also said it was very emotional. 

My dad raised me never to donate anything. He is one of those people that just doesn't do that. We were never rich so not giving a dollar wasn't really the same as being cruel because we needed that dollar but as I grew up it made me uncomfortable to have that stance on the subject. I understand my dad's point of view. He wants to make sure his family is taken care of first... but there are some people who don't have anyone looking out for them. And while I know there are bums who will take your money and buy drugs or alcohol with it... being kind is still good for your soul. Give food. Give clothes. Give shower vouchers from local truck stops (because letting a stranger into your home really isn't always safe) but do something. Helping ONE person is better than helping nobody. Help in ways that make you comfortable.

The video below is inspiring... but mostly it just reaffirms that not everyone who is homeless hit rock bottom with addiction. Sometimes life just sucks and there's no way to dig yourself out of some holes. 

Wherever you stand on this issue, I hope you at least watched the video. People claimed it was a hoax but it isn't and even if it really is a "hoax" I'd consider it more of a dramatization to bring awareness to a major problem. Two years ago I had almost backed myself into a similar situation. We had to move out of our house because the landlord was selling it... we got rejected for renting another place because we couldn't pass a credit check. We were running out of time fast, had two weeks to get into a new place. Luckily we had enough money to pay for rent and deposit. If not, I don't know what we would have done. It actually came up that we might have to move into my husband's dad's motor home if we couldn't find a place. 

The situation we were in could have ended a lot differently. Living on the poverty line has a profound effect on planning ahead... it becomes almost impossible to foresee all the little complications. Now, we are on our feet just fine. One advantage of being a polyamorous household is having a two family income. 

Being Pregnant With Three Spouses...

Almost 7 kids! I mentioned that right? In my tummy as I write this is our new little baby boy! I am 30 weeks pregnant and growing. But there is something very unusual about this pregnancy... this baby has four parents. He has had four parents from the moment we planned his conception together.

What's it like to have that many people involved in his pre-birth?
Our doctor has known about all of us from day one. Even though she doesn't understand our dynamic yet, she has always let all four of us go back for each appointment. She has also never singled out any of my spouses as my primary partner (we prefer it that way). You really could say that we are lucky, because we expected a lot more discrimination.

Living in Tennessee and being openly poly has been a lot less dramatic than we would have expected. People usually just keep their opinions to themselves and are nice to us anyway.

Setting up the nursery was super fast because two men who work well together can get twice as much done. (They won't let me do it :p but I would.)

Not everything has been perfect. My girlfriend and I have had quite a few fights trying to compromise on what kind of car-seat is safest and how the furniture should be arranged.

On top of that, I have it the easiest. For my girlfriend connecting with the baby was difficult. Men are expecting to be protective but what does an extra mother do when the baby is not in her belly? Complicate that more by the fact that we really wanted to be pregnant together. I got pregnant and she didn't and the emotions... well there were too many to keep track of. We kept trying for that second baby. She even started seeing a doctor about it (the same doctor as my OB) and we would just go to the doctor's office for appointments on the same day. It was hard on me when she would cry after the appointment because I was growing our baby.

It was a long time before she and I talked about our honest emotions surrounding the pregnancy and non-pregnancy. But when we finally let all of it out we both realized that the baby in my belly was both of ours and that we both still wanted her to get pregnant. Our perception changed. She got a lot closer to the baby after that. I think our talk made her comfortable loving the new baby without having to think about whether or not she was pregnant too. The two concepts became separate.

That same separation allowed us to de-stress about needing her to be pregnant now and focus on the reasons she wasn't getting pregnant. It allowed us the space to care about her future pregnancy in its own light without linking it to the new baby as failure to get pregnant. So, now we are taking temperatures and buying ovulation tests and trying the good old fashioned way (which is always fun). We're both excited about trying and both connected to the baby and the two things are no longer linked to one another. That was by far the biggest hurdle of our pregnancy.

For those of you that are not as lucky as me:
Polyamory on Purpose wrote an awesome blog on what to do if you find yourself poly with an unplanned pregnancy and need help dealing with the situation.

Day 3 Purple Hair and Small Failures

I never did get that laundry put away BUT I was off the couch for pretty much the whole day. What did I do instead of watching TV... at first it was difficult to find something that would hold my attention. A few weeks ago my girlfriend and I bought hair dye. Yesterday we pulled it out and got started. It took most of the day to complete both of us and there was a ton of laughter and bonding involved. This being the result:

AFTER

BEFORE

I'm super pleased with the result. Bleaching my hair was terrifying and is the reason I have never done a crazy hair color before this. Before I did my hair I wanted to know more about it. Most useful were the bleach/dye tutorial by Offbeatlook (below on the top) because she bleached as much hair as me, and the Splat hair review by Rebecca Reviews (below on the bottom) because it is actually what I used. Both are great videos:

After these two videos I knew I had to bleach my hair or it just wasn't going to be the color I wanted. I used Splat hair dye... I think it was called purple desire, something close to that.

As for my goals, I never did go outside yesterday... that one is hard. I just kept saying "I will do it later." I didn't clean the house. The rest of my goals were technically accomplished but not to the extent that I would like. What I need is to set up a routine so that they are more difficult to avoid. I'm sensing a project for the day!

Today, I actually did a lot of things... including go outside with my girlfriend and talk about the birds playing in the snow. BTW cardinals are such a vibrant pretty red. I'm proud of myself but the true test is how long I can sustain the progress. I think once I get my basic goals into some sort of routine I'll have to add more difficult ones.

Day 2 Why Change at All?

Baskets of clean laundry (thank you girlfriend) just waiting to be put away... 

Last night I was laying in bed thinking, "I'm happy... why was I trying to change again?"

This is the way that I sabotage myself almost any time I try to do something new for myself... like diet ;) but I checked my blog this morning and there it was. Somebody telling me my goals were good and attainable! which lead me to ask myself, "Why not keep going?"

So, it's the morning of day 2 and I am dressed.

I want to explain the purpose of my specific goals and my plan of execution for some of them (because I don't have a plan for all of them yet)...

First off, my goals are not listed in order of priority.

GOALS!
1. Go outside more often:
On an average day I spend zero time outside. In fact the time I do occasionally spend outside is spent walking out to the jeep when we have to go somewhere... not exactly what I would call a nature walk.

2. Watch less TV:
What did you think I was doing with all that inside time? That's right, sitting on the couch for between 10 and 12 hours a day watching TV. Yesterday I decided that watching pointless YouTube videos and patrolling Facebook are the same as vegging out in front of the TV.

3. Write:
I do not have a job. I stay at home with my girlfriend all day watching five of our seven kids and growing the seventh. I am certified as a nurse aide and spent about two years working in a nursing home but it isn't my calling. What I want to be is an author, preferably of fiction, preferably one that gets paid. BUT alas I don't write. I sent no time writing in the last year and you just cannot be a writer if you don't write. (To be fair, last year I did right a particularly saucy blog anonymously but it only really lasted about six months.)

4. Get dressed every day:
As a primarily indoor person who watches TV all day there isn't much need for being dressed, so I skipped it altogether unless I had to go somewhere. On top of that, I don't actually have friends who I see on any sort of regular basis, and no family in the area. I hang around in whatever I slept in until it gets wet from a spill or I start to feel gross (Which is quite rare for me).

5. Clean the house:
What amount of cleaning gets done in tandem with the sitting on the couch watching TV...?
You guessed it, none. My girlfriend does the laundry and 80% of the cooking. My husband, my boyfriend, and my father in law try to keep the dishes done and take the trash out. I did mention there are 5 kids currently in the house... it can get pretty messy. No one person keeps our house pristine, so nobody gets mad at me for not helping. It doesn't create tension in the house. Plus, I manage the house's budget which has its own stress and has become my role. BUT as the person I want to become... cleaning the house is just part of it.

6. Be clean:
You don't even want to know the truth.
Longest time I have gone without showering: 1 month
Average time I go without showering: 1 week
Showering/bathing never became one of my habits. As a child, I wasn't expected to bathe... and then as an adult I just haven't taken the initiative to take care of myself. The smell? I don't notice it. My hair? A ponytail or bun can hide a lot when you aren't going anywhere anyway. I didn't shower before or after work most days. Sweat doesn't make me want to shower. Sex doesn't make me want to shower. Clearly this is unhealthy thinking, so "be clean" makes the goals list quite easily. I didn't shower today but I did shower yesterday and I still feel clean.

7. Get up when I wake up:
My husband works nights and gets home around 8 or 9 am (he has to walk home). My boyfriend goes to work between 6 and 7 am. The older three kids get on the bus right around 7 am. This means My girlfriend gets up to help the kids get ready and puts them on the bus. She then stays up with the younger two kids who are both 4 to make sure they don't get into anything and to make them breakfast. My husband gets home and is wide awake so he lets her take a nap. I wake up around 11 am. I'm not sure if this goal is phrased correctly but my point is this: if I wake up naturally I should just get up. My girlfriend wouldn't be alone in the morning and I would be sleeping less. I oversleep when I am depressed AND too much sleeping can make me depressed (something I've learned over the years).

8. Drink water:
Between soda and tea and being too lazy to get up and get something to drink when I'm thirsty, I end up being quite dehydrated. Water is healthy, I want to be a well hydrated person. That being said, I am not banning soda or tea. I drink less soda than almost everyone else in the house, but tea isn't much better, particularly when you factor in that I drink sweet tea.

9. Be less lazy:
This one seems so easy to people who aren't as lazy or as used to being lazy as me. "Just do it" they will say... but you have to realize that I have been lazy for the greater part of 26 years. "Just do it" is just as much like saying "just stop smoking, today, cold turkey"... not so easy. What do I mean when I say lazy? OK, in the past week I have gotten myself something to eat 2 times TOTAL. I have gotten myself something to drink 1 time maybe 2. Things I have accomplished in the last 7 days: I washed the dogs with flea soap, I showered once or twice, I started a blog, I read two pages of a book, I wrote a budget, I hmm can't think of anything else besides watched TV. I mean that as literally as I can get across to you. Just do... is a habit, one that I don't have. I want to but my habits include "I can do it later" and "would you mind doing that for me?"... the cycle has to end somewhere. I honestly view this goal as the most difficult one to accomplish.

10. Do 1 nice thing for my spouses every day:
This goes along with the "person I want to be" idea. You may have noticed things in my house are a little more lopsided than they need to be. And yet they all still love me very much. I am nice to all of them every day and we talk through our problems. Overall we have a really good relationship. BUT I love them and I want to be the kind of wife and girlfriend that is sweet and kind to her spouses. So the goal is really this, I want to intentionally do something nice for each specific one of my significant others each day. The key word there: INTENTIONAL... that means if I say yes to something they ask me to do: doesn't count. If I just happen to have done something I know they like... i.e. brought my girlfriend's computer in the bedroom at the end of the night... just because I remembered to: doesn't count. It has to be something like: brushed my girlfriend's hair, made her something to eat without her asking, brought her a fresh coke, let her sleep in one morning. OR rubbed my boyfriend's back or feet after work, made him something to eat when he says he is hungry, made sure he has clean jeans for work the next day, get up with him in the morning just to see him off. OR make coffee one morning for my husband and have it hot when he gets home, turn on his favorite video game and hand him the controller without complaining (BTW grand theft auto's save options SUCK), rub my husbands feet after work, make time for his boring work stories with a smile... etc you get the idea.


Are my goals difficult? maybe you already do most of this... but yes they are a challenge for me. A challenge I want to overcome and one that I am going to try to accomplish.

Polyamorous!

This is TWO queen size beds. It works perfect for us!

I'm one of those people who believes in loving more than one person at a time. Right now I am in a relationship with two men and a woman. They must all know about each other by now because... we ALL sleep in the same bed.

Yup, and we fight over who gets the best pillow. For the most part the order we sleep in doesn't change, but my husband works nights so on his weekend he switches which side he sleeps on. That way he gets to sleep next to me one night and next to my girlfriend the second night. It works for us because my boyfriend likes to be right in the middle of us two girls at all times lol: on the couch, at dinner, and while we sleep.

A Formalish Introduction

Me: I'm Afton, your attentive narrator. You'll get to know me pretty well if you stick around. I'm an open book and I love being asked questions.

My Girlfriend: we'll just call her that, even though she and I are engaged. (I proposed :)) She has one of those cliche' "light up the room" smiles and red hair... you can infer that she's a little wild from that if you want. We have been together for a year this March. She moved from Kentucky to be with my husband and I. The start of the relationship was a complete whirlwind. There have been plenty of ups and downs because getting two bipolar women to live together in peace has its challenges but I can't imagine my life without her.

My Husband: this March will be 11 years together. We met when we were both 14 and have stayed together since then. We grew up in California and moved to Tennessee where we didn't know anyone about three years ago. Almost all our firsts are together.

My Boyfriend: we are eerily the same person... we like to say that but what that means is we think the same. I can usually tell what he is thinking about from just one glance at his face. When we first met it was highly addictive and also highly corrosive. We had to learn to tone it down because it was getting in the way of the relationship as a whole. Things are much more balanced now and we still have that connection, we just don't let it get in the way anymore.

Day 1

The view from my front porch.
:)

I'm sure you are wondering what this post is day 1 of, I guess I am too LOL.

Today is day 1 of my blog, but more importantly day 1 of my transformation. When we are little we imagine that growing up will unlock the world and we will just become the person we want to become because we have grown up. Most of us know that's not true but most of us aren't the people we want to be either... why is that? Why don't we just do it, become the kind of person we want to be?

BECAUSE IT"S HARD! that's why.

It takes active effort to change and active effort to know how and active effort to know who we want to be. Letting our habits define who we are is much easier. Being the person we just happen to be is easy too.

AND we can validate it! "be you" can be a very good thing, but not when you let the true "you" wither away inside yourself.

DAY 1 of me making the active effort to be ME.

To that end I have come up with a list of ten habits I want to implement into my life that are more in line with how I want my life to look. I came up with this list by evaluating the things in my life that I don't like and by validating the hopes I have for my future.

GOALS
1. Go outside more often
2. Watch less tv
3. Write
4. Get dressed every day
5. Clean the house
6. Be clean
7. Get up when I wake up
8. Drink water
9. Be less lazy
10. Do one nice thing for my spouses every day

So, how did it go? Well I got up this morning at 10:30 am. I took a shower, got dressed, made some tea, and sat outside on the porch for 15 or so minutes. I started this blog. I have so far watched zero tv today. I think this is a really good start.