I've been really hard on myself for a very long time. My house is cleaner than it has ever been. My kids are better taken care of than they have ever been. My life is closer to what I have wanted it to be than it has ever been. I'm thankful for that, and I have had a large influence on that. There are a lot of people in my life right now and I am grateful to them for all their help.
Even though everything I just said is 100% true: I feel like a failure. I feel like a broken person masquerading as someone people call confident. I look at everyone else and wish I had their strength. I wish I had my life put together the way other peoples lives are... I bet you are wondering what I even mean by that. There are just these super simple things that the rest of the world seems to have figured out that I still cannot get a grip on.
Depression gets hold of me and I just shut down. I stop taking care of myself. This is the time where I don't shower. I sleep ALL the time. I just basically become a lump. I do what I HAVE to and only that, which is why my kids still get taken care of. But what happens to me?
I don't even have the energy to write anything else about this. I cannot wait to be out of this already.
