Dream Killers

I've hit this wall in my transformation... I don't really feel like I'm backsliding but even as I write that I have to question my evaluation... I haven't showered in a week. I forget, and I don't think about it... time passes sometimes without ever having been noticed. Maybe we invented clocks because without them time blurs together...

THE WALL
So, I've done pretty well I think with most of my goals but there's this wall. I'm getting depressed and bored. That was never my intention to begin with. Was I happier zoning out of the world and living out fantasies of life in my mind? Could that be true? I really don't think so. Why am I unhappy? Why am I bored?

I think it's the laziness. I don't DO. If I did more, would I be happy then or am I really happy sitting on my bum.

But it's something more than that... I think my goals are mirages of the life I want. They are so focused on fixing my problems that they neglect to enrich me. NONE of my goals were set to make me smile. They were all made to remove the bad but they never filled me with good... I need goals that Fulfill if I really want to be living a better life.

Lately I've been getting more into art. I used to sketch all the time when I was in school. The results weren't so good but I am getting lots better. Here is a picture of the sketch I've been working on.


To Do List for today
- take a shower
- research life fulfillment
- make new goals
- take the kids to a birthday party
- go to a doctor's appointment for baby Charlee

Something nice I did today? My girlfriend is sick, she wanted ice cream. I'm kind of a stressed out person when it comes to money... but I wanted her to help her sooth her sore throat so, I made her some from scratch out of what we have.