Coming Out as Polyamorous to Our Parents

The polyamorous flag, which has hiding in it's meaning.

I've been wanting to write this post for some time now... OK admittedly 2 or 3 days, but I really want to shed some light on what it's like when you come out as poly. It's a lot like coming out as bisexual to be honest. When you come out as gay, or straight (if you have one of those cool families who doesn't assume you are straight until proven otherwise... like we are with our kids), or lesbian then people know what to expect. Come out as bisexual and everyone assumes you are going one way or the other depending on who you are dating at the time.

Coming out was different for each of us.


My mom's reaction: "I Googled polyamorous. I think it may be actually more Natural to Allow ourselves to Love more than One, My Life would be way less complicated if I could Allow that and everybody agreed." I came out to her on messenger, so I was able to provide you with a direct quote. My family is very accepting of different lifestyles... what they are not so great at is staying connected. That is true for my dad's side of the family and my mom's. It ends up being a habit that cycles through the generations. Which reminds me, I need to focus more on breaking that habit. I certainly have time now.
My dad's reaction: I always knew you were a hippy. LOL I kid you not, he said that. He also acknowledges my relationship by asking about my whole family and how things are going. I have a pretty great dad.


Husband's mom's reaction: Um OK. I mean, if that's what you want. I think you guys are crazy. But she loves us anyway and has accepted everyone pretty well. She seems mostly comfortable with the situation and has tried really hard to include everyone. Her last visit went really well. She has a new boyfriend who she met online and even he seems to be doing well adjusting to us.
Husband's dad's reaction: Live and let live. He actually lives on the property so he sees us the most and knows how well we work together as a family... he also has the unfortunate side effect of living too close and occasionally hearing what happens behind our closed door, so he definitely realizes that it is a complete relationship. Plus he babysits on date night when the four of us take time to go somewhere together (usually Walmart and running errands, but together time matters however it comes).


Girlfriend's mom's reaction: Do you know what your bother told your dad? and then the subject stayed changed and she even once referred to my husband and I as cousins that she and my boyfriend are living with down here. Yup, cousins.
Girlfriend's dad's reaction: She hasn't officially come out to him, but she talks about us to him all the time and I really think he believes the "cousins" story.


Boyfriend's mom's reaction: You've always been weird and your playing with fire. For the most part she is actually worried about the kids and what will happen if we split up. I don't know her very well but she loves and misses my boyfriend a lot and I think she seems really sweet. He has talked to her about the new baby which make me super happy.
Boyfriend's dad passed away when he was four.


Honestly the most difficult thing about coming out has been getting our parents to realize that if we could we would legally get married and adopt each other's biological children. The way I see it I have adopted four children. They are mine and I want my parents to think of them as their grandchildren. I guess I understand why they don't completely yet, but I hope one day there is no separation between our children in the minds of any of my parents.

While I was visiting Colorado this year for a family wedding (I went without my spouses because we just couldn't afford more tickets) I got really close to my grandma. The best part was that she made it very clear to me that she understood and supported my life. She even seemed proud of me. I'd love to be able to introduce everyone to her, including all her new great-grand-babies. Actually, she hasn't met any of my children in person, so I doubt it will be difficult for her to accept them. However, with how many of them there are and the age range... she might get a little overwhelmed with their wildness.

So, here it is for everyone now... I am polyamorous and bisexual. The style of polyamory I engage in is called polyfidelity. I'm thrilled to be out and I'm totally happy I found this for myself. It was a long road to here.


Polyfidelity (also sometimes called polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group.

Polyamorous The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. 

Week 1!!!

   I made it a whole week! Actually I'm not that excited. I could literally list the "new life" phases I've made it through for a week.

Diet: no carbs, counting calories, burn more calories than you take in, eat specific foods to trick your metabolism, eat so few calories that I'm almost starving.... hmm I think that's all of them.

Exercise plan: walk every day, do yoga every day (I love yoga. I should write a fat girl yoga post), stretch every day, do 50 sit-ups before bed...

The list goes on. Fact of the matter is I ALWAYS make it the first week. And then the second week comes and I start thinking "I'm happy, I don't need to keep going." But there's something different about this. There's something better about this.

So celebrate with me when I make it to week 2 and week 3 and OMG month 1! which I intend to make it to.

Day 7 Which was yesterday, yes I skipped writing... I really didn't think anyone would notice ;)

My Boyfriend <3

                                                                                                                                       We touched up our hair. Mine and my girlfriend's color were still not as full as we wanted. After all was done, it took 3 boxes each to do our hair.

My Girlfriend <3
If she ain't happy, nobodies is happy.

Then I bleached and dyed my boyfriend's hair orange. His job is less constrictive than my husband's who will be keeping his hair normal brown.

Later in the afternoon there was a doctor's appointment for the terrible burn my girlfriend got on her stomach while frying chicken.

I never went outside and I probably slept too long. I'm trying not to harp on my failures because it is really counterproductive. I wake up in the morning and I start over. I've stayed really clean which feels good because showering is something I have struggled with for my entire life. I'm sure I lost potential friends because of it. Being the smelly kid sucks... feeling like nobody in my family cares if I shower or not sucks worse. But that was yesteryear.

Dwelling on the failures of yesterday can keep you in the cycle of failure. It's just a really bad idea. For instance: I slept in till 3pm today. Why? because I have a bladder infection... but sleeping that long is really bad for my personal mental health. I know this as fact. BUT tomorrow when I wake up I'm not gonna say "I already failed at getting up so no point in trying today."

Going outside is becoming the most difficult of my goals. I thought TV would have been harder but for whatever reason it's the whole stepping out the door thing. My hope is that I don't because it's too cold... excuses being something I don't want to find as obstacles, I really need to solve this problem. I have been consistently getting dressed every day but not going outside.

IDEA: (let me know what you think about this)
I will take a picture of outside every day for the next week and post it for you all to see. Accountability might very well be the key! I shall begin tomorrow.

Day 6 Boredom and The Routine

What happened to Day 5? I just didn't write about it. I did stick to my goals though.

So, I'm not watching TV or scrolling Facebook or searching YouTube... what am I dong? Being bored!

 Today I planted seedlings indoors with my girlfriend, made play dough for the kids to play with, and mostly sat around trying to think of something to do. Being on the computer temps me to waste time on my normal time-killer sites... which means I haven't been writing much. I did make a list of things to do but then I didn't do any of them LOL...

I guess you could say I am re-learning how to entertain myself throughout the day. Staying away from mindless watching isn't all that hard but I'm still sort of just sitting on the couch watching my spouses play around on their electronics. My girlfriend is super supportive, she closes her computer a lot and joins in on my wacky ideas pretty quickly. Sometimes I wish I was as supportive to her in the same way, but alas I am stubborn. 

Day 6 has gone really well. Because I have it set in my mind that I am changing my core habits it has come really easily. Maybe I was just ready, maybe I am just in a really good place and have a lot of support. Maybe I am just that tired of watching my life fly by in the pretend lives of other people. I don't really know but I feel really good about all the changes today.

Now if I can just figure out how to stay entertained without electronics. Oh, that reminds me... I find myself avoiding the computer altogether. It carries the stigma of being electronic entertainment and I don't feel ready to entirely incorporate the uses of it into my routine.

MY ROUTINE!

- Get up in the morning. Right now there's no pressure to get up at one particular time. What I am working towards is not spending the whole day in bed. At some point I check my Facebook and make sure I don't have any blog comments. That usually happens right after I stretch and before I go to the bathroom. It only takes me a couple minutes.

- Pee... because I'm pregnant and nothing else comes first lol. Since I am in the bathroom already I use this time to decide if I need a shower or if I'm still clean.

- Check on the kids for a minute. Make sure they are being good and don't need anything. Check on my spouses and make sure they are having an OK morning.

 - Pick out clothes and either take a shower or get dressed. If I didn't take a shower I at least brush my teeth and either way I fix my hair. 

- Make plans to go outside. When I do get there I make myself a cup of hot tea to take with me.

- Drink about two glasses of water a day which I think is good. I feel better hydration wise. I don't have a set time when water happens. I just drink it when I think of it.

- Pick something to clean. This can be large or small as long as it is something I can complete at once. I.E. the shelf in the kitchen, dust the livingroom, do a load of laundry, wipe down the bathroom vanity. Another option would be to clean for 15 minutes straight. You would be stunned what you are capable of cleaning in a short amount of time.

- The goal of watch less TV has no distinct plan. I allow myself to watch one or two shows a day and I like for those shows to be something I watch with someone I love. 

- Be less lazy... see above. There's the official plan right there. Doing more = being less lazy.