Coming Out as Polyamorous to Our Parents

The polyamorous flag, which has hiding in it's meaning.

I've been wanting to write this post for some time now... OK admittedly 2 or 3 days, but I really want to shed some light on what it's like when you come out as poly. It's a lot like coming out as bisexual to be honest. When you come out as gay, or straight (if you have one of those cool families who doesn't assume you are straight until proven otherwise... like we are with our kids), or lesbian then people know what to expect. Come out as bisexual and everyone assumes you are going one way or the other depending on who you are dating at the time.

Coming out was different for each of us.


My mom's reaction: "I Googled polyamorous. I think it may be actually more Natural to Allow ourselves to Love more than One, My Life would be way less complicated if I could Allow that and everybody agreed." I came out to her on messenger, so I was able to provide you with a direct quote. My family is very accepting of different lifestyles... what they are not so great at is staying connected. That is true for my dad's side of the family and my mom's. It ends up being a habit that cycles through the generations. Which reminds me, I need to focus more on breaking that habit. I certainly have time now.
My dad's reaction: I always knew you were a hippy. LOL I kid you not, he said that. He also acknowledges my relationship by asking about my whole family and how things are going. I have a pretty great dad.


Husband's mom's reaction: Um OK. I mean, if that's what you want. I think you guys are crazy. But she loves us anyway and has accepted everyone pretty well. She seems mostly comfortable with the situation and has tried really hard to include everyone. Her last visit went really well. She has a new boyfriend who she met online and even he seems to be doing well adjusting to us.
Husband's dad's reaction: Live and let live. He actually lives on the property so he sees us the most and knows how well we work together as a family... he also has the unfortunate side effect of living too close and occasionally hearing what happens behind our closed door, so he definitely realizes that it is a complete relationship. Plus he babysits on date night when the four of us take time to go somewhere together (usually Walmart and running errands, but together time matters however it comes).


Girlfriend's mom's reaction: Do you know what your bother told your dad? and then the subject stayed changed and she even once referred to my husband and I as cousins that she and my boyfriend are living with down here. Yup, cousins.
Girlfriend's dad's reaction: She hasn't officially come out to him, but she talks about us to him all the time and I really think he believes the "cousins" story.


Boyfriend's mom's reaction: You've always been weird and your playing with fire. For the most part she is actually worried about the kids and what will happen if we split up. I don't know her very well but she loves and misses my boyfriend a lot and I think she seems really sweet. He has talked to her about the new baby which make me super happy.
Boyfriend's dad passed away when he was four.


Honestly the most difficult thing about coming out has been getting our parents to realize that if we could we would legally get married and adopt each other's biological children. The way I see it I have adopted four children. They are mine and I want my parents to think of them as their grandchildren. I guess I understand why they don't completely yet, but I hope one day there is no separation between our children in the minds of any of my parents.

While I was visiting Colorado this year for a family wedding (I went without my spouses because we just couldn't afford more tickets) I got really close to my grandma. The best part was that she made it very clear to me that she understood and supported my life. She even seemed proud of me. I'd love to be able to introduce everyone to her, including all her new great-grand-babies. Actually, she hasn't met any of my children in person, so I doubt it will be difficult for her to accept them. However, with how many of them there are and the age range... she might get a little overwhelmed with their wildness.

So, here it is for everyone now... I am polyamorous and bisexual. The style of polyamory I engage in is called polyfidelity. I'm thrilled to be out and I'm totally happy I found this for myself. It was a long road to here.


Polyfidelity (also sometimes called polyexclusivity) is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group.

Polyamorous The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.