After waking up this morning fairly early (too early) I went to the bathroom and got back in bed. At 2:30 I got up and got dressed but I really should have showered. Then I sat down on the couch and stayed on my computer for the rest of the day.
The up-side, I did drink water. I did get dressed. I didn't watch TV (although being on the computer all day is not better than zoning out on TV) I hate that I don't live my life. I sit around soaking in the remnants of people who are living life. I could make more than half the content I take in but instead I watch and vegetate. At least I have been writing as consistently as I want to. I don't think I've missed more than a day even though I haven't posted everything I've written.
I don't feel like a failure but weirdly enough I "want to"... my brain keeps going to that depressing place but there's something else that is sort of reminding me to keep trying. Reminding me that the failure of today doesn't have to stick. It doesn't have to be what tomorrow hold for me. At least I'm still working on it. At least I'm still making progress.
As for the photo from going outside today... it's dark out. Maybe I will go outside tonight still and maybe I won't. I am forgiving myself for today now and I will do better tomorrow.
Yes, you will do better tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteYou did amazing for a while and I know you can keep it up. One day at a time.
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