This is a misleadingly titled blog post because it is more about getting kicked off food stamps and at the same time feeling forced to stay on food stamps. I'm getting ahead of myself.
There are 12 people in my family, we are all included on one food stamps case (which is awesome btw cause you know we're poly). Both men in our family work full time at higher than minimum wage. All together we earn a net income of $52,000. Hell Yeah right... well sort of. It spreads thin fast. According to the government we live just below the poverty line. The problem is, Brian got a raise. This means we live in fear each month of making too much money.
Each month we spend about $1000 on groceries. That means budgeting and hardcore planning just to keep it that low. Food stamps covers about 2/3 of that amount and we cover the rest.
Don't misunderstand, I so badly want to be off food stamps. I just don't want to be constantly struggling for food. I want to be able to get out of poverty without wanting to get back on food stamps because living on that much less food money sucks the life out of us.
Not including food,the breakdown of our bills for a year goes like this:
Rent= $10,500
Electric= $4,800
Water= $1,800
Car Payment= $4,320
Insurance= $1,800
Phones= $1,200
Internet= 1,500
Gas= $4,700
Then, after all that, there is medicine, field trips, school clothes, school supplies, birthdays, holidays, clothes that fit the season, shoes, diapers, toilet paper, dish soap, laundry detergent... the list of necessities goes on and we will calculate that list to be $10,000
Total for bills not including food: $40,620
Wow that leaves plenty for food right? 52,000 - 40,620 = 11,380 divide that by 12 months:
$950 a month for FOOD! That is only $50 short of the current budget!
wait, wait, wait... Our daughter has visits with her dad that I didn't account for. The jeep is broken down and needs fixed. The toilet won't flush and the AC stopped working in 100 degree weather. A family member passed in another state. Life in general happened.
At this point, off food stamps, money is so tight that I wish Brian never got the promotion to mechanic that he always wanted.
So, we are on the verge of getting kicked off food stamps, but even if that doesn't happen... I want to get off food stamps and actually live a quality life with my family. Did I mention you aren't allowed to save money or they will kick you off for having too much money? That means no saving for a better future like we're supposed to.
This blog post went in a very ranty direction, but if you are still reading this, I'd like to get to the point that made me want to write it in the first place.
I googled "how to get off food stamps" and found literally nothing but other rants. Not helpful
I've added to my first quarter goals for 2017 to get off food stamps.
Here's what I'm thinking, I'll grow food and get chickens and maybe some other animals and try to spend as little actual money as possible. I wean us off food stamps by spending less of what they give us each month. So, if they give us 100 then in January I'll only spend 66. In February I'll spend 33 and March I'll spend none. If I can accomplish that then I'll be off food stamps and on our own feet.
I just thought of another problem though... If we don't qualify for foo stamps then we don't qualify for insurance either... poverty sucks. My thought process is probably flawed idk.
October 24, 2016
August 05, 2015
Black Lives Matter but I Am Not Insignificant.
I have something to add to the widespread conversation about the Black lives matter movement. It's a side of the story that I have not read about anywhere. So, I'll take on the challenge of writing it for all the other people in a similar situation as myself. There are links in this article to important contributions in this conversation. They are highlighted red and I urge you to click on them for a better picture of what this is about.
Black lives do matter. I commend the black community for trying to break the biases that are still present in our nation and the world. Being racist should be uncomfortable. <click on this link if you want to understand more about white privilege and the racial bias. White privilege is a thing and does happen. Black people face an uphill climb in today's world. Just because the civil right's movement is over does not mean that things are all done changing. People who commit crimes should face justice... that includes the police, that includes black people, that includes white people.
All lives matter. I understand why supporters of the Black live matter movement feel like that phrase is not the point of the conversation. Honestly the phrase has more of an impact in the pro-life/pro-choice debate, but there is a point to be made there. Not all black people are criminals, not all police target black people, not all white people are racist... All lives matter because we are all individuals connected to each other by the common bond of being human with red blood running through our veins. Humans matter, and right now black humans are asking us all to hear their voices. We should listen. We should listen without making them feel like whinny babies crying over spilled milk. All lives matter but it does not give you an excuse to ignore the injustice or pretend like it doesn't exist.
That being said I don't know if I have personally experienced white privilege myself. I'm white. I'm sure some of you are thinking "Of course you have experienced it. You are white therefore white privilege." But there is more to it than that.
White is not the only thing about me that people see. I may walk into every door as a white person but I walk out with so many more judgments than that.
As a person who falls into several minorities I find it difficult to get a job, be looked at with respect in the eyes of society, be taken seriously, find housing, choose where I live, and many more that cannot be explained in list format like this.
I am suspicious in the eyes of the police. I live in a small town in Tennessee. The police patrolled my street once a week for a year after I moved in. Why did they stop? My husband got a job at a gas station where he now know all the cops in our town by name and they know him. One even gave him a ride home from work when he would have had to walk.
It is illegal for my family to live in many states. It is also illegal for my family to live in many cities. I have been turned down by rental companies and/or specific home owners because I lived as an unconventional family. One of my neighbors put a letter in my mailbox that said it was illegal in our housing code for more than one family to live in the same house.
When I am in public I face people openly disgusted. A woman left the restaurant because she said she "didn't want her son exposed to that" because I kissed the cheek of more than one of my partners. When I go to a store there is pointing and staring if I hold the hand of two men at the same time.
I don't have any morals because I don't believe in God. I must be overcome by the control of Satan.
If I walk into a store that is visibly above my pay grade or below my clothing size range then the employees and customers look at me puzzled as to why I am in there. I've been followed around a store to prevent me from stealing something. Someone left the short line and went over to a longer line in the grocery store because I was in front of them.
My list of minorities that entitle me to nothing more than the underprivileged list and an automatic suspect in the eyes of police: I am an atheist. I practice witchcraft. I am poor, considered to be in poverty. I am fat. I have more than one spouse. I have more than the society accepted number of children. Some of my children were not birthed by me. One of my partners is a woman, sometimes people classify me as a lesbian. I am a bisexual. LGBTQIA excludes me out of fear. I have a mental health disorder that some people don't believe exists, or needs medication.
So, you see, when I walk into a store, a school, a job, a job interview I have a choice to make... Hide everything about who I am or accept that I may be discriminated against based on being me.
Some of you think I should choose the latter, stay closeted, "it's none of their business", "you don't have to shove it in people's faces", I should try to keep people comfortable around me by not telling them.
...but let me ask you this: would you ever tell a black person that in order to avoid encountering racism, discrimination etc. that they should wear makeup to make themselves appear white?
Most Christians make me uncomfortable because the automatically assume that I am. I don't ask them to remove their crosses because I don't want it shoved in my face.
Why should I accept that the health department won't talk to my son's other mother about the shots he will be getting? Why should I accept that they ignore her when she tells them about how he is eating or some of the concerns she has about his development? When I stay in the closet I have to force her voice to be muted in all of his care.
So why do I have to pretend to believe in Jesus, say that I only love my husband, answer the "how many kids do you have" question with a smaller untrue number, hear people tell me that my sexuality doesn't exist or is a phase, tolerate a world where the most searched for phrase connected with "poor people should ___" is "poor people should die", walk into a store that only sells small sizes and be looked at with disgust, be paid less than a man because of my sex, watch people leave a restaurant saying "I don't want my child exposed to that" and point at me. Why do I have to thank people who give me unsolicited health and weight loss tips or information.
I don't know if I experience white privilege because I face a massive set of predetermined biases already.
Black lives matter.
I am not racist, not even sometimes, and I support the message behind the movement. I do not support the violence. The black community should continue to stand up and make themselves heard, but they have to acknowledge that they are not alone. There are so many communities and individuals that are struggling too. Communities that face unjust laws, violence because of hate, and media disapproval.
I want people, white and black, to stop making me feel like the discrimination I face is insignificant on the basis that I am white.
Black lives do matter. I commend the black community for trying to break the biases that are still present in our nation and the world. Being racist should be uncomfortable. <click on this link if you want to understand more about white privilege and the racial bias. White privilege is a thing and does happen. Black people face an uphill climb in today's world. Just because the civil right's movement is over does not mean that things are all done changing. People who commit crimes should face justice... that includes the police, that includes black people, that includes white people.All lives matter. I understand why supporters of the Black live matter movement feel like that phrase is not the point of the conversation. Honestly the phrase has more of an impact in the pro-life/pro-choice debate, but there is a point to be made there. Not all black people are criminals, not all police target black people, not all white people are racist... All lives matter because we are all individuals connected to each other by the common bond of being human with red blood running through our veins. Humans matter, and right now black humans are asking us all to hear their voices. We should listen. We should listen without making them feel like whinny babies crying over spilled milk. All lives matter but it does not give you an excuse to ignore the injustice or pretend like it doesn't exist.
That being said I don't know if I have personally experienced white privilege myself. I'm white. I'm sure some of you are thinking "Of course you have experienced it. You are white therefore white privilege." But there is more to it than that.
White is not the only thing about me that people see. I may walk into every door as a white person but I walk out with so many more judgments than that.
As a person who falls into several minorities I find it difficult to get a job, be looked at with respect in the eyes of society, be taken seriously, find housing, choose where I live, and many more that cannot be explained in list format like this.
I am suspicious in the eyes of the police. I live in a small town in Tennessee. The police patrolled my street once a week for a year after I moved in. Why did they stop? My husband got a job at a gas station where he now know all the cops in our town by name and they know him. One even gave him a ride home from work when he would have had to walk.
It is illegal for my family to live in many states. It is also illegal for my family to live in many cities. I have been turned down by rental companies and/or specific home owners because I lived as an unconventional family. One of my neighbors put a letter in my mailbox that said it was illegal in our housing code for more than one family to live in the same house.
When I am in public I face people openly disgusted. A woman left the restaurant because she said she "didn't want her son exposed to that" because I kissed the cheek of more than one of my partners. When I go to a store there is pointing and staring if I hold the hand of two men at the same time.
I don't have any morals because I don't believe in God. I must be overcome by the control of Satan.
If I walk into a store that is visibly above my pay grade or below my clothing size range then the employees and customers look at me puzzled as to why I am in there. I've been followed around a store to prevent me from stealing something. Someone left the short line and went over to a longer line in the grocery store because I was in front of them.
My list of minorities that entitle me to nothing more than the underprivileged list and an automatic suspect in the eyes of police: I am an atheist. I practice witchcraft. I am poor, considered to be in poverty. I am fat. I have more than one spouse. I have more than the society accepted number of children. Some of my children were not birthed by me. One of my partners is a woman, sometimes people classify me as a lesbian. I am a bisexual. LGBTQIA excludes me out of fear. I have a mental health disorder that some people don't believe exists, or needs medication.
So, you see, when I walk into a store, a school, a job, a job interview I have a choice to make... Hide everything about who I am or accept that I may be discriminated against based on being me.
Some of you think I should choose the latter, stay closeted, "it's none of their business", "you don't have to shove it in people's faces", I should try to keep people comfortable around me by not telling them.
...but let me ask you this: would you ever tell a black person that in order to avoid encountering racism, discrimination etc. that they should wear makeup to make themselves appear white?
Most Christians make me uncomfortable because the automatically assume that I am. I don't ask them to remove their crosses because I don't want it shoved in my face.
Why should I accept that the health department won't talk to my son's other mother about the shots he will be getting? Why should I accept that they ignore her when she tells them about how he is eating or some of the concerns she has about his development? When I stay in the closet I have to force her voice to be muted in all of his care.
So why do I have to pretend to believe in Jesus, say that I only love my husband, answer the "how many kids do you have" question with a smaller untrue number, hear people tell me that my sexuality doesn't exist or is a phase, tolerate a world where the most searched for phrase connected with "poor people should ___" is "poor people should die", walk into a store that only sells small sizes and be looked at with disgust, be paid less than a man because of my sex, watch people leave a restaurant saying "I don't want my child exposed to that" and point at me. Why do I have to thank people who give me unsolicited health and weight loss tips or information.
I don't know if I experience white privilege because I face a massive set of predetermined biases already.
Black lives matter.
I am not racist, not even sometimes, and I support the message behind the movement. I do not support the violence. The black community should continue to stand up and make themselves heard, but they have to acknowledge that they are not alone. There are so many communities and individuals that are struggling too. Communities that face unjust laws, violence because of hate, and media disapproval.
I want people, white and black, to stop making me feel like the discrimination I face is insignificant on the basis that I am white.
July 07, 2015
Being Autonomous AND Why I Want To Get Married
Today I read an interesting article that had a lot of great points and insight referring to polyamory. It gave a better perspective to explain why I am polyamorous and why I chose the relationship I have right now.
I should begin by saying that I broke relationships to be in the relationship I am in today. I had a boyfriend. We'd been seeing each other for about two years and had moved through being just friends to something quite serious. I ended that relationship the wrong way. I'm eternally sorry for that. In all honesty I took that relationship for granted until it was too late to reverse things. I tried to make both relationships work and mistakes were made by all parties. Except my husband, who was very supportive of everyone while we sorted things out.
I miss him.
But in the end I chose to be with my current partners and our beautiful children. I don't even think I knew then for sure why I chose the way I did.
That's not polyamory! He had said to me when things were especially gritty.
You see, polyamory is this idea that you can happily be in more than one romantic relationship at a time. He was angry and confused about how I could call myself that and yet be cutting him out of the picture. There were no problems in our relationship.
So, let's get back to the article and what sparked my interest in writing this. The author of the other article was extremely proud of creating a life where she felt less oppressed by our culture and more of a free autonomous individual.
I don't feel oppressed. I exist in all my relationships as a free individual. I don't stay in any of my relationships out of a sense of dependency or obligation. If there is something in my relationship that doesn't thrill me to pieces... that's OK with me. Not everything in all of my relationships is going to be perfect. As an individual I choose to who I am with and I choose to respect the boundaries they have BECAUSE I care about their feelings and how my actions affect those feelings.
It is simple. If I want them to feel like they are treated well then I treat them well.
If my partner has anxiety or jealousy or just wants the relationship to be closed then I have to take that into consideration. How do I feel about that? Are those boundaries that I think I am capable of respecting? Will I eventually hurt this person or will this boundary cause the relationship to break apart? I weigh everything and I try to be as honest as I can be.
I do all that knowing that I am actively making these choices as a free individual.
When I married my now husband it was because I knew I wanted us to be together forever. I still want that and I am happy with how our life has happened and how getting married has affected us. I want that same kind of relationship with my current partners.
Ultimately I want to be a good partner. That is the decision I have made as an individual who could walk away if I wanted to. I don't want to. I am very happy with the life I am building and the people I am building it with. There are obstacles but I feel stronger with these people than I do without them. They support and love me. In the end that is priceless to me.
Polyamory hasn't rescued my relationship from a dying flame. Polyamory just became another part of my life. There became more people who care about me and who love me deeply.
Here's a link to the article I read about polyamory and how it makes people autonomous individuals: Polyamory Is Next and Im One Reason Why
I should begin by saying that I broke relationships to be in the relationship I am in today. I had a boyfriend. We'd been seeing each other for about two years and had moved through being just friends to something quite serious. I ended that relationship the wrong way. I'm eternally sorry for that. In all honesty I took that relationship for granted until it was too late to reverse things. I tried to make both relationships work and mistakes were made by all parties. Except my husband, who was very supportive of everyone while we sorted things out.
I miss him.
But in the end I chose to be with my current partners and our beautiful children. I don't even think I knew then for sure why I chose the way I did.
That's not polyamory! He had said to me when things were especially gritty.
You see, polyamory is this idea that you can happily be in more than one romantic relationship at a time. He was angry and confused about how I could call myself that and yet be cutting him out of the picture. There were no problems in our relationship.
So, let's get back to the article and what sparked my interest in writing this. The author of the other article was extremely proud of creating a life where she felt less oppressed by our culture and more of a free autonomous individual.
I don't feel oppressed. I exist in all my relationships as a free individual. I don't stay in any of my relationships out of a sense of dependency or obligation. If there is something in my relationship that doesn't thrill me to pieces... that's OK with me. Not everything in all of my relationships is going to be perfect. As an individual I choose to who I am with and I choose to respect the boundaries they have BECAUSE I care about their feelings and how my actions affect those feelings.
It is simple. If I want them to feel like they are treated well then I treat them well.
If my partner has anxiety or jealousy or just wants the relationship to be closed then I have to take that into consideration. How do I feel about that? Are those boundaries that I think I am capable of respecting? Will I eventually hurt this person or will this boundary cause the relationship to break apart? I weigh everything and I try to be as honest as I can be.
I do all that knowing that I am actively making these choices as a free individual.
When I married my now husband it was because I knew I wanted us to be together forever. I still want that and I am happy with how our life has happened and how getting married has affected us. I want that same kind of relationship with my current partners.
Ultimately I want to be a good partner. That is the decision I have made as an individual who could walk away if I wanted to. I don't want to. I am very happy with the life I am building and the people I am building it with. There are obstacles but I feel stronger with these people than I do without them. They support and love me. In the end that is priceless to me.
Polyamory hasn't rescued my relationship from a dying flame. Polyamory just became another part of my life. There became more people who care about me and who love me deeply.
Here's a link to the article I read about polyamory and how it makes people autonomous individuals: Polyamory Is Next and Im One Reason Why
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