Raising Kids That Aren't "Mine"

As some of you know, I'm about 8 months pregnant. There's some weird stuff going on with that but that's not the part I want to talk about. I want to talk about my pregnancy also being the pregnancy of my three spouses. Our baby was planned. You see, when we got together we had collectively 6 wonderful children... but ask my dad, I've wanted 10 kids since I was 8 years old.... when we got together, parenting together was a very big thing for us. We were all on the same page with that and it excited us to the point where we really wanted another baby, at least one. Then we made the decision not to use birth control and let whatever happen on it's own.

Five months later I was pregnant and we were all thrilled!

ALL four of us... THRILLED. Maybe that's not weird for you, and let's face it, that's why we are still on each others Facebook, but for some people it is so foreign.

At Dollar General when we bought all our Easter stuff... (Our plan is to fill a plastic swimming pool with toys, candy, and individual Easter baskets)... Anyway, we were in line (me and my girlfriend) and people kept saying "Somebody is gonna have a great Easter. How many kids do you have?" Of course we love our huge family so my girlfriend always says "6 with one on the way." Huge smile on her face every time she says it....
One woman (seeing that my girlfriend is not pregnant and that I am) says: "but how many children do YOU have?"
To which my girlfriend replies: "We have 7."
The woman repeats her question with more emphasis on the "you" this time.
Then my girlfriend says "What do you mean? How many did I give birth to? 4."
 And the woman in all her entitled attitude says "So you have 4 and she has 3." I wrapped my arm around my frustrated girlfriend and seriously contemplated making out with her right there... but the cashier was flustered by the influx of Easter customers.

This is my family.

Why do people care? When any one of us are alone and people ask how many kids we have, they always want to know if all of them are biologically ours. That is so personal. What if they were all adopted? Does that really somehow discount my being their mother? I stress out about the safety of our oldest when she is in Chattanooga, I try to find new things to teach her, and I make sure she has enough self esteem to be OK in life. I teach our 8 year old how to spell and read and talk her through it when she gets frustrated. I tell my 6 year old son that it's OK to tuck his pants in even though some people think it's not "cool", I replace his shoes when they get worn out, and I go to the ER with him when his asthma gets bad.

I hug my 5 year old son because I know he doesn't like kisses, I snuggle with him during story time before bed, and I try my hardest to understand his mumbled language because he hates being misunderstood. I know almost everything about these children... so why am I any less their mother than the ones I gave/will give birth to? Every time my 4 year old daughter wakes up in tears because she is having growing pains, my girlfriend holds her and rocks her and rubs her legs. When our 4 year old son wets the bed, she helps him get cleaned up. She's going to change diapers and feed bottles to our baby boy... WE are their mothers. They are all ours and ALL of them know how much I love them, how much she loves them.

How do you define being a mother? Maybe your mother isn't a cliche' relationship either. Maybe you were adopted or have adopted... This concept can't be that hard to understand.

I have almost 7 children. They are all mine. Really, they are. Being a mother is about so much more than birthing a person. Being a mother means taking care of their needs, worrying about their futures, spending quality time together, teaching your child about how rewarding life can be and disciplining them in ways that the world will end up doing for them when they are on their own anyway. It's about being there, and about caring. One of our children is lucky enough to have three mothers, however complicated that may be, and we all just want what's best FOR HER. And the baby? He is every bit everyone's as he is mine. We will all love him like we do our 6 other children.