Day 10 The Aquarium and Pole Dancing

Today I showered and got dressed and hung out with my 13 year old. We wanted to cut her hair but we didn't end up doing that. She is really into exploring her individuality and I wish she could just a little bit more. She's a really great kid. The hair man, it's all in the hair... be grateful she doesn't want ten facial piercings and does her homework. But I digress...

Jellyfishes at the aquarium courtesy of my cousin.

My cousin messaged me today, I suspect to check on my progress which is pretty awesome. I have a ton of support. There really is nothing else in this world like having people around you who want you to succeed. Anywho, she said she was going to the aquarium. I have never been to one but I want to really bad. And then a deal was struck: she would send me pics of the aquarium provided that I send her pics of... drum roll please, you guessed it... The Outside.

The moon shining through the limbs of a
tree in my front yard.

And for this beautiful picture I ventured outside, after dark. I turned off the porch lights so I could see the night better. The stars aren't as bright out here as they are in the desert but that's OK. Those chirpy sounds were out again tonight and my girlfriend says they are birds while my boyfriend says frogs... but its too cold to be frogs. My vote goes to the frogs, there's a pond over where the sound is coming from and in the summer... the unmistakable sound of frogs... hmm. The moon was out and the cat that never did learn to use a litter box. She lives outside now, the cat not the moon who has always lived outside.








There is a beautiful pole dancing feminist video circulating through the interweb and social media. At first I didn't watch it because I figured meh sounds like something I already know but then I ran into this comment under it that had me compelled to watch the video.

The comment: "This is beautiful.. but i feel compelled to point out.. they all pretty much had the same basic body type.. where are the big girls?? where are the scarred girls.. the ones with huge stretch marks?? this is an amazing video but i feel it is lacking because not all of us women have that body type so how can it empower those who dont match?? granted i know that expressing this opinion will earn me a solid bashing for the most part.. but this bothers me"

The video: Why I Dance

Now let me explain why the comment bothered me... First of all body type wasn't the point of the short film and I don't think it should be criticized for something it wasn't even trying to say. It's like saying that a video about puppies should have had more kittens in it. Secondly and I really should credit the wording of this point to my cousin who didn't really know I would be using her opinion: I like to focus on what art, any kind of art, is accomplishing, rather than bemoaning that it isn't doing enough.

And the best quote in the entire video: "Because the expression of my sexuality does not negate my: integrity, intelligence, or autonomy"

I'm against slut shaming and I've run into a lot of it, first as a bisexual and now as a polyamorous woman. Does expressing that you are a sexual being have to correlate to being a slut. Does it matter how many people I have slept with? Does it matter how many people I didn't sleep with? No... it doesn't matter because being sexual does not directly correlate to being labeled a slut. It just doesn't. I am a woman, with a body, and I use my body to express myself in ways that feel right for me.

Day 9 Today I Suck

After waking up this morning fairly early (too early) I went to the bathroom and got back in bed. At 2:30 I got up and got dressed but I really should have showered. Then I sat down on the couch and stayed on my computer for the rest of the day.

The up-side, I did drink water. I did get dressed. I didn't watch TV (although being on the computer all day is not better than zoning out on TV) I hate that I don't live my life. I sit around soaking in the remnants of people who are living life. I could make more than half the content I take in but instead I watch and vegetate. At least I have been writing as consistently as I want to. I don't think I've missed more than a day even though I haven't posted everything I've written.

I don't feel like a failure but weirdly enough I "want to"... my brain keeps going to that depressing place but there's something else that is sort of reminding me to keep trying. Reminding me that the failure of today doesn't have to stick. It doesn't have to be what tomorrow hold for me. At least I'm still working on it. At least I'm still making progress.

As for the photo from going outside today... it's dark out. Maybe I will go outside tonight still and maybe I won't. I am forgiving myself for today now and I will do better tomorrow.

Day 8

Yesterday my girlfriend and I made pads, like menstrual pads. Yup. I know what you're thinking... "but Afton, aren't you pregnant." LOL jk... but we really did make pads. My girlfriend gets rashes from store bought pads and she hates tampons. A few years back one of my cousins (she's kind of a hippie environmentalist and I so admire her for that) told me that she used homemade pads and I passed the idea onto my girlfriend because they are basically cotton. Sounds comfy, right?

Or gross, which is what I know you all are really thinking. My girlfriend tried them all night last night and all day today and she really likes them. According to her they are absorbent and cute and comfortable... they get the job done. They don't stay in place that well and we didn't make enough of them. They wash well and they absorb the blood in a way that keeps them from leaking or running. And they are not gross, well, no more gross than changing a normal pad or tampon.

I also want you all to know I made it outside today! 

The snow we got last night had melted off throughout the day and the sun was almost down. There was a sound I didn't recognize. I couldn't tell if it was birds or bullfrogs but it seemed too cold still to be bullfrogs and too chirpy. I'm assuming that it was birds, pretty all the same.

I took an environmental studies class in high school that I LOVED. We went camping and whale watching and had desert survival training, and studied native + non-native species of plants... The class was AWESOME. But when I moved out here to the forest, all the knowledge I attained in that class and throughout my life about the wilderness around me is completely useless. LOL

Fortunately I have spouses that are from this area who can educate me on things like what to do when you are lost in the forest and what kinds of animals live around here.